Chad Discusses Hot Button Issues

So I bet you've been seeing a lot of news these days about how the economy is down and if you're like me, the first thing you think when you see doomsday news about foreclosures and job loss is, how does this new economic paradigm impact my ability to score chicks?

Well, not too badly, my friends. There are a number of ways a clever alpha male can play this to his advantage. For example, it's a lot easier to get out of paying for things. My old standby, "I would buy you another drink, but they are very expensive and you don't seem worth that much, I mean it's almost ten bucks," was pretty effective, natch, but with this new economy, I started using, "I would buy you another drink, but, you know... the economy," and that actually worked even better.

My guess is that the chicks love it when you work current events into the conversation because it makes you sound smart and relevant and all that bullshit. I guess some current events work better than others because I tried, "I would buy you another drink, but, you know, Obama just got elected," and the chick slapped me and I couldn't put up with that kind of insubordination, so I had to reject her by letting her turn around and walk out and drive off so I had to find a taxi.

I think black chicks are just really temperamental. It's that hot Latin blood.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not a racist or anything. I'm just so sick of black people sneaking across the border into this country and taking our jobs and opening a taco shop on every corner. And they get so emotional, always firing their pistols in the air and dancing around their sombreros.

And I'm sick of the PC attitude in our country that won't even let honest Americans discuss these issues. Every time I want to talk about my opinions on race and black people, these PC hippies keep telling me that they're called "Mexican-Americans." These dumbass language policemen can't even be bothered to listen the points I'm making, they're so hung up on using the politically correct term.

I mean, you can't just pretend race doesn't exist. Maybe you can when you're a stupid beta PC hippie vegetarian that wouldn't hook up with a chick in a million years but when you're out there banging a broad a day, you got to be able to sum up the goods at a glance. You can't be pretending a Japanese chick is the same as an English chick, or else you'll get back to your place and find out your junk isn't the proper shape for her parts, and that's a wasted evening.

So yeah, just last night I was at the bar, with all the chicks throwing themselves at me, and I had to turn so many down. There was a couple of Hispanic chicks that were pretty hot, but you know how it is with those South American types, burning their weird ass Buddhist incense and making you take off your shoes in the house, so I had to coolly blow them off by asking them to throw their drinks in my face and leave with other guys.

Then there was some Asian chick that was pretty hot for me, and was responding really well to my negs. I was really tempted, but then I remembered how snooty Asians are, and how she'd probably make me buy her all this expensive wine and cheese. Besides, I didn't know any Asian except "bonjour" and "merci" and "hors d'ouvre" and none of that is negative enough to keep the magic going.

Anyway, it went on like that all night. It's always like this. There's fifty women virtually throwing themselves at me and I have to send them away because they're not a good fit for me racially. Again, don't get me wrong, I totally understand that all races are equal, it's just that some of them are worse than others. If I just state a simple truth, like that Germans are worse than Koreans, does that make me a racist?

The ironic part is that people who call me a racist are pretty ignorant themselves, assuming I'm some kind of white guy with no experience of different cultures. First of all, some of my best friends are cultural. Really cultural. I think one of them is from Hindu or something, he even has a turbine. Secondly, I've got a pretty multicultural background myself. I'm like some kind of crazy mutt. I'm part English, Scottish, Irish, Dutch, Norwegian, and I think even a little Welsh.

So yeah, for those who can't be objective and scientific about races, they can go sit in their little drum circles and whine about it. For those of you who want this valuable information, here's a chart of the races from best to worst.


1. English-Scottish-Irish-Dutch-Norwegian-Welsh (mix)
2. English
3. Scottish
4. Irish
5. Norwegian
6. Dutch
7. Welsh
8. Hindu
9. telepaths
10. Korean
11. black
12. Hispanic
13. Asian
14. androids
15. German
16. Canadian